Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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