Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
