You work out of a Hotel?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
