my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
