I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
