I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
