How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I won the penis lottery.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
