He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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