dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
