...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
