This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
