he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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