omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
