Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
