Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
