Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
