My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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