I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
