Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
