My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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