why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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