sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize