your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The maid of honor just puked.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
