I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
