so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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