he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
