i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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