I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
