I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So much rum. So many feels.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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