i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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