I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
