Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize