i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
