I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love having hate sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
