WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize