Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
