I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
