Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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