Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
