I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
