where am i from again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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