Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
