I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
