The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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