i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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