And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's just like the Real World with babies
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
