p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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