the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize