You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
