Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
