Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
