Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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