we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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