this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
