A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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