So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
