I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
