We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
