So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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