I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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