help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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