Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize