U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
