Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize