I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
