its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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