Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
