life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize