I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
