The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
