toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
