The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
