you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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