I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
