dude i'm inner monologue high
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
