Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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