pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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