ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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