So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
