clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
