I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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