i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
