Moan for me like Helen Keller
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize