I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
