mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
