Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
