He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
