Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
