I faked an abortion last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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