I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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