you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
