I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my poor anus
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
