Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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