the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
