I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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