Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
