Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
