the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
