no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize