office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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