He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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