i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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