If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize