At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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