just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
