I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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