It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
