My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
