so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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