If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
