I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We got so high we made milksteak
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
